You know what grinds my gears? When I am mad at person A and I talk about it with person B and person B tries to make excuses for or defend person A. It’s infuriating. And I have many friends who agree with me. Please don’t be person B. Seems like mostly a guy thing since all of the person Bs in my experiences have been guys, so I am justified in using the male pronoun for person B throughout this rant.
What is person B thinking? Is he trying to show me reason? Is he trying “indirect mediation”? How does he think he is helping the situation? What part of his logic tells him that it is a great idea to further agitate an already emotionally-fragile, upset person by siding with the person I’m mad at?
As an example, I remember a time when I was a grader at University and I was particularly irritated after grading a horribly written report. I happened to say this to person B and person B said in a very serious manner, “Maybe he did not learn to write reports in high school”. I wasn’t even very mad at that point, but the excuse he made for the report-writer made me lose my head. (I’m sure there are still some people reading this and going, “so what’s wrong with that statement?” Think about it)
If you haven’t got the memo, do not say anything that even remotely defends the other person when I am upset. I just want you to listen to me vent. I like to believe I am smart enough to be rightfully pissed when I am pissed and I do not appreciate any hint of condescension. Leave the reasoning for later, when I am calm, and I can get calm quicker if I feel like my emotions are respected and I am heard. Just let me rant in peace!